When Arsene meets the boyfriend(s)

Here is the first of four stories: one day in Central London I took the number of a girl. I texted her the next day and had no reply. I forgot about her. One week later she gave a quick reply, nothing special. One hour later she sent another text, this time with the message “Cancel my number.” I thought it was better not to contact this girl any more, too weird. In the evening she tried to call me, that was getting annoying. As I did not answer, she texted me, “How did you get my number?” I replied we simply met one week earlier and swapped numbers then. As I did not want to be in touch with her after that, I also added it was better to stop this discussion and wished her all the best. But she kept texting, asking questions and checking facts about how we met. She seemed to pretend I had her number by asking one of her friends. That was really weird.

That’s when I realised: it was not her texting me, it was her boyfriend. He probably saw the initial texts and asked her how we met. From his questions I could tell he was doing some fact-checking: she must have made up a different version whereby she did not give me her number herself and in which she got my number through a friend. When you are in a relationship, the latter probably sounds more appropriate than swapping numbers with total strangers in the street. At this point I had a call again from her -or should I say from him- and I decided to take it.

The boyfriend was calling me indeed. I expected an aggressive and furious guy. Surprisingly he was not aggressive at all and was even polite. He was a bit annoyed, but more with her than with me because she had lied to him. I was myself annoyed that she cooked up a story but did not want these people to have an argument for such a small potato.

“Look, we just had a quick chat” I told him, “she was not particularly interested and she probably just gave her number to keep me happy. It is sometimes easier for a girl to give her number to get rid of a guy. That leaves him with the illusion of a small victory and does not commit her to answer in any way.”

The discussion did not escalate and I could feel the guy was calm at the end. I told him again to take it easy with his girl as it was normal she had other guys interested in her, which was flattering for both of them. We wished each other a good night.

The second story is more relaxed. I had bought four cheap t-shirts on Asos: same model, four different colours. They turned out to be slightly too tight but I had a go at wearing one of them on this sunny Saturday afternoon. I took the Tube, wearing proudly my light blue tight t-shirt, and went out in Central London. It was even more crowded than usual: there was loud music, people partying and wearing fancy clothes. I realised it was Gay Pride day. I started to walk and saw a cute girl standing in front of a bar. I went to compliment her. She was Italian. We started to chat but at some point in the discussion she said, “Sorry to ask but I am a bit confused: are you gay or are you hitting on me?”

As always, I found the situation hilarious. I confirmed I was indeed hitting on her. To which she replied she appreciated the move but she was actually waiting for her boyfriend to come out of the bar. Her boyfriend turned up indeed. I had fun explaining him what just happened and wished them a good Gay Pride.

Third story: I was walking with a friend when I saw this mixed race girl standing in front of a shop. She seemed to be waiting for someone. I decided to approach her. She liked it and we started to flirt. She was an air hostess and was coming back from a long haul flight. It was all going well and before going back to my friend I asked for her number to get a drink later. She told me she liked what I did but she had a boyfriend who would not be happy to know she was having drinks with another man. She looked cheeky and seemed to enjoy this situation. I suggested to swap numbers anyway so she could decide to meet me or not.

“Is your boyfriend two meters tall with large shoulders? I’ll take the risk anyway,” I joked around.

She laughed, looked behind me and said, “Well I let you verify now.” The boyfriend was standing behind me and had been listening to the conversation. He was maybe not extremely tall with large shoulders but he was actually the male model type. The two were matching well I have to say. He looked at me relatively amused but also with a face saying, “You made a good move but don’t insist too much.” I laughed it off, for me it was another funny situation. I told them they were a beautiful couple and wished them a good day. My friend, who was waiting and had watched the whole scene, had a good laugh too.

Fourth story: once I approached a girl who was with a guy in Selfridges. I don’t know why, maybe because the guy looked pretty unremarkable compared to the hot girl he was with, I was convinced he could not be her boyfriend. I went to talk to them. I called it out by telling her, “I saw you and thought you were attractive” followed by, “Sorry mate I hope you are not her boyfriend.” That made them laugh, I guess they liked my honesty. The guy did not reply clearly so I carried on assuming he was the usual friend-zoned guy who would hope eternally to have sex with her. I flirted with her for five minutes. At some point the guy started to laugh nervously and put his arm around her to protect his territory. This is where I realised I was blatantly flirting with his girlfriend in from of him. I laughed it off and said goodbye.