Guy Talks to Girl in the Tube and Gets Away with It

There is a growing tide of unsolicited attempts at conversation across the London transport network. It would appear that some individuals engage in casual chats with other passengers instead of staring at their smartphones. More disturbing even: recent reports would suggest that those unsolicited conversations involve members of the opposite sex. We met one of those individuals. Sinister practice exposed in a chilling interview.

According to London Transport Police there has been a 20% increase in the reporting of polite stranger-to-stranger compliments on the transport network compared with the same period last year. From 1 April to 31 August there was a 32% increase in the detection of casual chats.

We contacted a representative of Tinder who gave the following comment, “There are rumours of guys talking to girls face to face instead of using our app. It is a modern urban legend. Anyone with a minimum of common sense knows the only way to meet someone of the opposite sex is to use a dating app.”

So, urban legend or reality? Can one actually engage in a conversation with a girl on the public transport and get away with it?

We wanted to find out more about this rampant phenomenon and after two weeks of investigation our team managed to meet one of these individuals: Arsene L., a Frenchman who lives in London and had first-hand experience of the questionable practice, agreed to talk to us on condition of anonymity. We were shocked by what we discovered. For the sake of transparency, we decided to reproduce Arsene’s confession verbatim. What you are about to read is truly disturbing.

“I was on the escalator on my way out of Bond Street station. I told a girl just behind me ‘I know that nowadays it is forbidden to talk to a stranger in the Tube but may I tell you that I like your eyes.’

What a surprise my comment made her smile and we actually started to talk to each other.

Wait a minute, there was something wrong here: wasn’t she supposed to slap me? Wasn’t I supposed to be overpowered by the ‘talking to girls just because you find them cute is bad’ white knight squad? Do you realise the horror of what I was doing: instead of standing straight on the escalator and looking right in front of me, I turned and made a comment to a girl about her physical appearance. Moreover, it is a comment about her eyes, what a platitude. And don’t tell me that being courteous, polite and smiling makes up for it, we all know that deep inside I am just a trickster trying to manipulate girls who are vulnerable Snow-White angels born in beds of roses.

I was very surprised when the discussion went on, I did not expect that: two strangers, a man and a woman, having a nice encounter in the Tube. How selfish, what will other men and women think? Especially those who never had this sort of encounter happen in their life. How dare we enjoy this quirky moment?

There can be only one explanation to her positive response: she does not want to take the risk of offending me. So I decided that, at the top of the escalator, I would say goodbye and wish her a nice day. She sacrificed enough of her precious time to make me feel good. I didn’t want to ask for more. But as I was about to say goodbye, she kept on talking to me about my French accent and the fact she loved my country, especially Paris where she travelled often for work. And here we were now on the second escalator, still having a silly conversation. When would it stop?

I worked out another explanation: she was only nice to me because she was an insecure girl who had barely received any compliment about her looks in the past. So, for once she received one, she was clinging to it. But hold on: didn’t she say she was often travelling to Paris for work? My evil brain guessed she was working in the fashion industry. Guess what was the terrible truth: she actually was a model, on her way back from the Paris Fashion Week. The story of the insecure girl lacking opportunities didn’t hold. Unless this modelling job was hiding an insecurity, some unhappiness, a sickly and pathetic need for validation of her beauty. Yes, that was it! She definitely must suffer from low self-esteem and consistently asks for validation. At this point in time she just needed mine.

So as a good Machiavellian evil manipulator I teased her by saying I was a bit disappointed: as she was often going to Paris for work, I would have preferred her telling me she was working in the pastries industry, which would have been, for a gourmet like me, more inspiring than a modelling job. I also asked her, in an intrusive way, how many éclairs au chocolat she ate during her time in Paris for Fashion Week. She answered ‘none’, so I laughed and said this was a terrible offense to my country. I easily eat four or five éclairs au chocolat in three days when I travel back to Motherland. She dared smile at my cheap humour again.

As we were going out of the Tube station I told her ‘I am going this way’. I was about to say goodbye when something unexpected happened: she said she was going the same way and asked what I was doing later. How could she be so relaxed, cool, nice, with a great vibe. This is so cheeky, you just don’t act this way in society. We walked for a bit, stopped in the specific street I had to go to, and went on talking. She said she needed to look for a birthday gift. I advised that if it was for a female friend, she could just buy a princess dress at the Disney store in Oxford street. She had the nerve to laugh again.

We exchanged names as we realised, being unpolite people with no education, that we had not done it before. We eventually smiled at each other, said goodbye and I was on my way. It took me less than a minute to realise the absurdity of what I had done: I talked to a stranger in the Tube just because I liked her eyes, I accused a model for not eating éclair au chocolat during Fashion Week and I advised someone working in the fashion industry to buy a princess dress at the Disney store.

This didn’t make any sense. I promise: tomorrow I will create a Tinder profile and from now on I will not talk to any girl unless she sends a poke, a like, or whatever it is on social media that says, ‘You are allowed to send a message to me.’ I mean honestly, let’s face it: talking spontaneously to a girl you don’t know just because you think she is cute, and then flirt with her, is just plain sleazy. I won’t do it again.” [At this point Arsene L. bursts into tears and we had to cut the interview short]

Ch Supt Selman Tanner from the Met's safer transport command said, "Our primary aim is to safeguard the travelling public and we will be tirelessly carrying out patrols and investigations, using all manner of policing tactics at our disposal, to disrupt people from starting unsolicited conversations on the transport network in London. We want to make sure that any kind of normal human interaction that occurs on the transport network is investigated, and I would urge people to immediately come forward and report their concerns to the police to enable us to bring offenders to justice."

Ch Supt Selman Tanner added, “If you've experienced nice compliments or casual chat on public transport, you can report it by texting what happened, where and when to 16061 or calling 101.”

The Met’s nervousness is justified in a context of heightened security measures as most airline companies around the world are cracking down on passengers making small talk with their neighbour during take-off. It is also difficult to forget that dreadful event only three months ago in Manchester when a Starbucks customer started to make eye contact with the staff before raising his hot tea cup and screaming Ouh Ah Cantona a few minutes later, causing a city-wide panic.